a poem

Not sure why-I just felt like writing a poem today… Some days are busy, keeping my thoughts occupied-focused in the here and now; In the quiet times my thoughts often turn inward-reflective, wondering why and how. Sometimes I cannot help but be sad and grieve for what I have missed, While at the same timeContinue reading “a poem”

happy mother’s day

Happy Mother’s Day to all those mommas in my life, starting of course with my own mother. I’m so thankful for all she has done for me-even when I wasn’t the easiest child to parent. She always encouraged me to be a better mother than she had been. Even though she was a very goodContinue reading “happy mother’s day”

birthmother’s day

The Saturday before Mother’s Day is Birthmother’s Day. I wouldn’t even know there was such a thing were it not for social media, specifically Instagram-birthmom accounts and some adoption accounts. The latter seem to try to make birthmothers seem like heroes. One thing I think this day is NOT-celebrating this kind of mother as aContinue reading “birthmother’s day”

a cloudy day

It’s the first day of September. So many things are changing. All good at the moment. I can see God leading and orchestrating the next season of our lives. I am at peace even though there are still many unknowns. But my heart hurts again. The tears want to come and for a few secondsContinue reading “a cloudy day”

adoption papers

This was tough-and even harder to write about. It was the first week of March 2020. We had just received news of the stay at home order, because of Covid, when I received a copy of the adoption papers I had requested from the adoption agency. Why did I want to see these documents? IContinue reading “adoption papers”

two years

Two years. It’s not an extremely long time to get to know another person really, especially when you live three hours apart. Although, when I think about it, I guess it’s plenty of time to get to know someone’s heart even if you don’t know all the details of their life. I truly feel likeContinue reading “two years”

facebook group

After spending over two years trying to learn and grow in my journey as a birthmom, I have joined and left three different “Birthmother” Facebook groups. I did learn a lot about myself and the struggles people are dealing with but these groups just weren’t a good fit for me. I did actually meet anotherContinue reading “facebook group”

still miss her

Does it make any sense how much I miss my daughter now that we are in reunion? It seems like I should be more content now that we know each other. Every time we have a visit, I feel like the hole in my momma heart is healing. I leave with some reassurance that ourContinue reading “still miss her”

healing

A few months ago, I was tempted to go on my walk without a brace. After all, I wore cute shoes finally on the Sunday before. I had been walking and even jogging a little three miles almost everyday. I felt almost as good as I did before I broke my ankle. I remembered theContinue reading “healing”

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