The Saturday before Mother’s Day is Birthmother’s Day. I wouldn’t even know there was such a thing were it not for social media, specifically Instagram-birthmom accounts and some adoption accounts. The latter seem to try to make birthmothers seem like heroes. One thing I think this day is NOT-celebrating this kind of mother as a hero, as at least not to me.
I wonder how you can wish someone “Happy” Birthmother’s Day”, exactly? What is happy about it? What are we “wishing” for someone who is a birthmom? I can understand why this day was started. It began as a day to recognize those mothers who were not acknowledged as mothers since they were not parenting their child. The purpose for the day to be on the Saturday before Mother’s Day was because before the adoptive mother became a mother some one else was a mother.
I feel like for me this day is more about acknowledgment . It’s not a day of celebration for anyone, probably. For some it marks the saddest day of their lives, as it does for me. But even as I remember the saddest day, I am so very thankful for the fact that God allowed me to be the one who gave birth to my daughter. I have always been thankful but never did I have a feeling of celebration until reunion.
Now that I am in a reunion relationship with my daughter I am grateful that she recognizes me on Mother’s Day along with her adoptive Mom. I’m much more honored by that than if she had chosen to recognize me on Birthmother’s Day, but of course I’m honored to be thought of at all! I have no expectations.
I think the only thing that I would feel about being recognized by anyone on Birthmother Day is maybe validation or that there is some understanding- if the loss is also recognized as part of this day. The words that come to my mind when I hear about Birthmother’s Day:
- less than
Yes, maybe celebration, because I celebrate the life of my daughter. She is so special. I love her with my whole Momma heart just as her siblings that I parented. I am so thankful to be her mother-whatever kind of mother God has called me to be. I know that not only did He have a purpose for her life but even of my own life as her mother.
If you are a birthmother reading this, know that you are loved. Your loss is great. You are chosen. God has a plan.
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.”
kjp May 2021