Does it make any sense how much I miss my daughter now that we are in reunion? It seems like I should be more content now that we know each other. Every time we have a visit, I feel like the hole in my momma heart is healing. I leave with some reassurance that our relationship is becoming less emotional and more normal.
I think I may always miss what I missed. I missed cradling her in my arms. I missed her first laugh. I missed her first steps and her first fall. I missed all the childhood milestones and birthdays. I missed her recitals and her skinned knees. I wonder who her first friend was and who was mean to her. I missed the long nights worrying about her high fevers. I missed the tantrums and the snuggles, the smart mouth and the sweet I love you’s, the heartaches and the joys. I missed so many things-wedding, babies, ministries-40 years of her life.
I am reminded that no pain is in vain. God has saved every tear and knows my every sorrow. I know I will not take what I have now for granted. Even with the babies I raised, I will treasure every memory, for they are such valuable gift. I will remember that it’s okay to grieve. God is doing a work in my heart. And somehow I am thankful for the grief. I am thankful I don’t have to pretend anymore. Because of my broken heart, maybe I am drawing closer to the Lord. Maybe I am more dependent on His promises.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.Psalms 34:18
I pray I will trust Him more, for He is faithful to keep His promises.
KP August 2020