still miss her

Does it make any sense how much I miss my daughter now that we are in reunion? It seems like I should be more content now that we know each other. Every time we have a visit, I feel like the hole in my momma heart is healing. I leave with some reassurance that our relationship is becoming less emotional and more normal.

I think I may always miss what I missed. I missed cradling her in my arms. I missed her first laugh. I missed her first steps and her first fall. I missed all the childhood milestones and birthdays. I missed her recitals and her skinned knees. I wonder who her first friend was and who was mean to her. I missed the long nights worrying about her high fevers. I missed the tantrums and the snuggles, the smart mouth and the sweet I love you’s, the heartaches and the joys. I missed so many things-wedding, babies, ministries-40 years of her life.

I am reminded that no pain is in vain. God has saved every tear and knows my every sorrow. I know I will not take what I have now for granted. Even with the babies I raised, I will treasure every memory, for they are such valuable gift. I will remember that it’s okay to grieve. God is doing a work in my heart. And somehow I am thankful for the grief. I am thankful I don’t have to pretend anymore. Because of my broken heart, maybe I am drawing closer to the Lord. Maybe I am more dependent on His promises.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted

And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalms 34:18

I pray I will trust Him more, for He is faithful to keep His promises.

KP August 2020

Published by KPMominTexas

https://journeyofapsalms127birthmom.wordpress.com/ Follower of Christ, Married 40 years, Mom and Grammy of the best kids ever, Blessed beyond measure! God's grace and mercy has made my life whole. God's faithfulness has made my life joyful. God's love has given my life purpose. Psalm 127:3-4 {Thankful} Instagram @KPMominTexas

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