I am no one special, just the typical American woman: wife, mom, Grammy-and a little more unusual-birthmom. One thing I have learned over the years is that I am created in the image of God and loved by Him. Because of His great love for me and all mankind, He sent His Son to live a perfect life. Jesus took my sin upon Himself as He was crucified buried and then He rose again victorious over death. He lives and reigns as Lord of lords and King of kings. Through faith, I have believed that Christ is my Savior and Lord. He has given me eternal life because of His great mercy and grace. He has grown my faith and blessed me in ways I could never have imagined.
I was 16 when I became pregnant. In the 70’s it seems it was not uncommon for girls to be “sent away” to have their babies. We were already moving to a new city so the secret was kept from all my friends and not many knew beyond the birth father and my immediate family. The guilt and shame I experienced made me want to be invisible. I’m thankful I did not have to live at the home “for unwed mothers”, which my parents had to insist on. I attended monthly meetings (?) and checkups with the adoption agency at the “home” where all the other girls lived. I went to the same alternative high school that most of them also attended. It was located around the block from the high school my sisters attended and the middle school my brother went to. I finished out my junior year there even after she was born in February. We moved to another part of the city to a different school district that summer. So after a very lonely and trauma filled year, life went back to normal, like nothing had ever happened… which of course is so ridiculous. I honestly tried.
I married just two and a half years later. Even though I told my husband about my pregnancy and adoption before we got married, we rarely spoke of it. We were blessed with six babies. The secret pretty much stayed a secret, even as we prayed about when to tell the six they had an older sister. Plans were made that didn’t work out and we kept thinking they all needed to be together, which is so hard once everyone starts growing up. The years just add up so quickly.
Then June 2, 2018. The day I learned my daughter’s name. She was now 40 years old. My world has not been the same since. I could not have imagined what it would be like to know her. I never allowed my thoughts to take me there, thinking she would never want to know me. I am certainly learning a lot about myself. And I’ve learned even more about the Lord. His sovereignty and His grace and mercy is so evident as I am going through this journey. I am so very blessed to have this opportunity to be a birth mother to my first baby girl. All of this has not been easy as I’ve dealt with emotions and grief that I never dealt with before, but God is faithful, and the joy is greater than the pain. I’m so thankful!!
As I am navigating through this life as a Christian, wife, mother, birthmother and grandmother, I can share through my story how God is a God of grace and mercy, who loves us and has made a way for our redemption through His Son. I’m praying that the glory of God is evident as His story is being played out in my story.
Any feed back is welcome. Just try to be kind. I’ve already taken this blog down twice from second guessing voicing my story-and then someone messages me wanting to send it to their birthmom….